The Most Expensive Thing on the Menu

It seemed strange as we looked at the sea,
from our checked table with just him and me,
I sipped my beer and smiled at his blurred face,
why is fish so expensive right next to the sea
I asked, as another mosquito bit me,
he looked at the sea and then looked at me
don’t you realize  he said, nothing lives in the sea
we emptied it out and ate it for tea,
we fed it to cats, and chickens, and rats
and when they were full,
we made face cream, and margarine
nothing lives in the sea, are you on red or white tonight

we can’t have things living in the sea,
we made a decision, it’s  better empty.
where have you been, have you not seen?
we make fish, in a large fish machine,
but the scales are quite tricky and the bones are quite fine
so it makes them expensive as it takes a long time.

but how can there be no fish in the sea,
surely we couldn’t make it empty
we would loose them forever,
where would we be,
to never see dolphins or whales or crabs
wouldn’t that make us all rather sad.

we have films and photos we can see, and all that reality TV,
I don’t know why you keep asking me.

but I don’t see how we could empty the sea
and what is the point most fish are quite pretty

you really have been quite out of touch
you must try harder to keep up to date
the news isn’t on really that late,

and as I adjusted my hearing aid,  he said, I’ll tell you,
the scientists when we emptied the sea,
made a  bank in a place called Alderny
where in a fridge the size of a small country
we keep fishes DNA, from all they could find
so we could grow any fish we wish

I don’t see how we could empty the sea
what harm could fish do it seems crazy

but they bumped into boats and clog up the pipes
swimming around unpredictably squeaking and splashing
and making a mess and never listening to our requests
getting stuck on the beaches and stinging the guests
once in 2023 a man was eaten just off the Ionian sea

but how did we catch all the fish in the sea
from the deeps and the shallows it would take too long
I don’t understand it seems quite wrong

well we’d already made quite a good start
we’d emptied the med and the pacific was dead
we’d caught all the cod and killed all the coral
and the  two whales were stuck in a tank in Balmoral
but it took hard work and dedication
and from our fishermen great vocation,
in their boats they caught all they could
with radars and sonar’s night and day
and when they found the last few that were left
and we declared the sea,  finally empty.

I don’t know why you keep asking me
maybe you don’t watch enough  T.V.

tomorrow we can swim and then you can see
so what will you eat the cod is quite sweet

No I think I’ll have the pork thank you dear.